The Wish & The Battle Inside

Quoting from a newspaper: "India is being shamed globally. It has been shamed by politicians and officials who have been exposed as callous and inept, and possibly* corrupt. Now India stands humiliated. The world knows the bridge we build collapse; that we cannot even keep loos clean. Who is responsible for the national shame? The guilty must be identified and brought to book. It may not store our reputation, but it atleast will show that we, as a nation, value our honour." Some remarkable statements made by the Indian officials: Lalit Bhanot(OC Secy Gen)- It is not such a big issue which we should be ashamed of... Westerners have different standards(of hygiene), we have different standards. Sheila Dixit (Delhi's Chief Minister), Suresh Kalmadi(OC Boss), Jaipal Reddy and MS Gill(central ministers) are either trying to hide behind the closet or prooffering ridiculous excuses in order to explain away their incompetence. Every inch of their soul is plagued ...

Moving on... is what you say but for me it was a ' bereavement'. This is what happens to me when I get connected. Is connection good or bad? Depends... how you take it. For me connection comes from heart. I came here with a friend and when I left I had so many people around me who brought tears in my eyes while saying goodbye. Being a man I had to control my emotions and move on without tears in my eyes...  MOVE ON.   This is the second time when I felt like moving away from family...  Nitin Sir you became a father figure for me. Prashant Sir that calmness you carried, you are a gem. Ketan Sir practicality and compassion... my first PM. Prem Sir for being there, a brother whom I never had, a brother who fought with me, debated with me. Sudip, Vinit, Sid for being the friends who kept me alive, my naughtiness going... you smiled at my first imperfection, I adopted that imperfection as a part of me, and captured your smiles. Yogesh, Jaspal, Giridhar, Kolan for being my...

ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || उन्होंने क्रांति की मशाल से देश को आज़ादी दिलाई थी, सपना था उनका देश को मशाल से रोशन करने का, हमने तो उस मशाल से देश को आग लगाई है | ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || वादा है मेरा ऐ आज़ादी मैं तुझको ढूंढ लाऊंगा, क्रांति की एक मशाल मैं भी जलाऊंगा.. राख कर दूंगा उसमे मैं बुराई और पाप का नामोनिशान मिटा दूंगा भ्रष्टाचार के दाग का.. चीर के रख दूंगा छाती उसकी जो तुझे विभाजित करेगा एक युद्ध अंग्रेजो से था अब अन्याय से युद्ध मैं लडूंगा. न आतंकी राज होगा, न पैसे की माया चलेगी देश है ये मेरा ये, इसमें शांति और प्यार की गंगा बहेगी.. खेत में किसान के सफलता की फसल लह-लहराएगी मजदूर जब मेहनत करेगा तो खुशियाँ उसके आँगन आएँगी.. ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || वादा है मेरा ऐ आज़ादी मैं तुझको ढूंढ लाऊंगा, क्रांति की एक मशाल मैं भी जलाऊंगा अब तो आज़ादी का जशन मैं तब ही मनाऊंगा...

(My last speech at Hexmaster's; the first time when I spoke and heard my own voice and felt that yes I can address the people. It had my feelings and concerns which I expressed in my blogs. This is not my best speech; the best will be the one when instead of me, the people will speak. But nonetheless it is a beginning..) Master of Ceremony, Evaluators, Fellow HexMasters, Respected Guests, Good Afternoon – I am Rajat Maheshwari – and I will be giving my organized speech today. Today I will talk about ‘my take on Karmbhumi- the workplace and the nation, and Me’. Before I go ahead I want to set stage for a little exercise through a story. A master of martial arts asked Bruce Lee to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must...

Here I am sitting today humiliated by an award, a recognition of my work.. But this time I didn't deserve it, this time I never worked to my potential. Like every person, I too had my dreams big  and small, to make it sometime. I still remember how I longed that before leaving this company I'll carry that Ace award in my hand, and I worked hard for it, struggled for it but it escaped me, I said may be some other time, some other place. But today when I got it, it came to me in a way I least expected and deserved. It came to me just as AN OBLIGATION, A FAVOR..... Let me make it very clear that a men must be judged for what he is, with the same respect for truth, with the same incorruptible vision and treated accordingly. I am proud of my own value. I do not support my life by robbery or by alms, but my own effort, so I DO NOT SEEK TO DERIVE MY HAPPINESS FROM THE FAVORS OF OTHERS, BUT EARN IT BY MY OWN ACHIEVEMENT. My truth is only my motive. My truth and  my own work to achie...

This is that phase of my life which I call as 'walking the street' and believe me it is one of the toughest times of my life. One phase where I am most vulnerable, susceptible to err and well capable of causing hurt. I have resigned from my company, I am under a heavy debt, I have lost my love... blah blah blah.. but even after all these things, I'm confident, happy and at peace. There is some inner energy driving me, what is that I cannot identify but there is definitely something. Something which is giving me courage to fight, something which is stopping me from trailing on the wrong side, something... something. While walking on the street when I see people with no shelter in heavy rains, I can feel the shiver. While on the platform I see the mutilated beggars, I can feel the hunger pangs. While talking to a person who is nurturing a broken heart, I can feel my heart crying. I can feel myself feeling the pain of the world and I can still share my smile....

I read with sorrow but no great surprise about the death of a colleague in a road mishap. His was, just a face to me in the crowd, till the day he departed. The death of a person in his early 30's ,the only breadwinner in the family, was enough to tip his family off. He had many unfinished businesses, many things to work on.. but alas, he is no more. He is survived by his wife, a two year old daughter and a mother. It will take them long to come to terms with the paralyzing loss. Is there any compensation to their loss, a wife lost her husband, a daughter lost her father, a mother lost her only son.. Ohhh God.. you make the stones cry. Hey Almighty I pray to you, I don't know what to ask or expect, you know that better but please give the family the courage and support to sustain in this world of yours. The loss of my colleague plagued me by a myriad of feelings triggered by the fact that it was accidental (and th erefore preventable), that in part it was the result of somebo...