A Vain Effort

On November 12th, 2012, at 11:57 PM, Vyom's phone rang. He had gone upstairs to get some sleep, as he always made it a point to be home for Diwali, the most popular festival for many Indians. Some view it as the festival of lights, celebrating the triumph of good over evil, while others see it as a time to please Goddess Laxmi and seek a prosperous year. For Vyom, it was a time to reconnect with friends and family.

By the time he reached the phone, the ringing had stopped. He picked it up and was heading back to his room when it rang again. It was Gautam, a dear friend of his. Vyom wondered if Gautam was planning a prank for Diwali eve, but it seemed unlikely. He answered the call, and the urgency in Gautam's voice caught his attention. Gautam asked for Vyom's blood type, explaining that his friend's grandfather was critically ill and in need of blood. Vyom agreed to donate at 7 AM the next morning.

Within a minute, Gautam's friend, Manish, called Vyom and asked if he could donate immediately for a platelet transfusion. It was an emergency, and they couldn't wait until morning. Vyom hesitated but eventually agreed. He had donated blood a few times before, but this was a new experience for him.

After discussing the situation with Gautam, Vyom left his house without informing his family, fearing they would worry. Manish and his father picked Vyom up around 12:30 AM, and they drove to Chirayu Hospital in the city center. The lab technicians explained the platelet donation process to Vyom, and he was initially apprehensive about the size of the needles and the duration of the procedure. However, he overcame his fears and completed the donation.

While the platelets were being extracted, Vyom chatted with Manish and learned that the doctors had not been able to diagnose his grandfather's condition. Manish's family had spent a significant amount on medical expenses, putting a strain on their finances. Vyom hoped that his donation would help save Manish's grandfather, and perhaps a miracle would happen—it was, after all, Diwali.

Vyom returned home around 4 AM and went to bed, reflecting on the words of a friend living in the States: "What worth is the life of a man in India?" A couple of days later, Gautam informed Vyom that the doctors had given up, unable to determine the ailment, and advised the family to fulfill the man's last wish by taking him to his village.

Ye hai aaj ki Diwali jahan ek parivaar 15-20 hazar ke phatake jalata hai aur wo ye kabhi nahi sochte ki shayad unke ghar me kaam karne wala naukar saal ke 15-20 hazar hi kamata hai. Ussi me khata hai, jeeta hai, apne bachcho ko padata hai... khair in sabse humne kya lena, hamare paas hai paisa jalane ko hum jalayenge bhale hi hamare aankhon ke saamne log bhuke mar jaayenge. 
Anar ke rang, bomb ki awaaz jo maja dete hai, wo kisi gareeb ke khushi aur uski hasi kahan de paayegi. Kalyug me Diwali aisi hi manai jaayegi.

मुकाम

ये मेरा आखिरी मुकाम नहीं
आगे की राह आसान नहीं
लेकिन जीने की परवाह जो करते नहीं
मौत से जो डरते नहीं
उनके लिए कहा कोई सफ़र नामुमकिन रहा है
मैंने तो ना हटाकर मुमकिन को चुना है
अपने लिए तो जी ही रहा हूँ
एक दिन देश के लिए जीना है
दाग लगे है माँ के आँचल पर
उससे अपने लहूँ से धोना है...

मन्नतें

आज फिर तेरे दर पर खड़ा मैं
मन्नतें हज़ार ले कर
लेकिन तुझसे कुछ भी मांग न पाया

दी तुने ज़िन्दगी मुझे
मुझको तुने इंसान बनाया
धरती की गोद में पला बड़ा में
तेरी सृष्टि की रक्षा कर न पाया

आज फिर तेरे दर पर खड़ा मैं
हाथ जोड़े शीश झुकाए
क्षमा प्रार्थी हूँ मैं
लेकिन तुझसे क्षमा भी मांग न पाया

22-Sep-2012 @ Shirdi

From dusk to dawn

इस दुनिया को समझते समझते में बहुत चकरा गया
अपनों ने पराया कर दिया, परयो ने अपना लिया..
देखता हूँ की दुनिया कहा जा रही है,
एक मोह जाल में फसे जा रही है|
पैसे वालों की इस दुनिया में भगवान भी  बिकता है,
मंदिरों में भी vip का बोल-बाला चलता है|
मूरख है वो जो सबका मालिक एक समझता है,
अपनों से गले लगता है और गैरो से दूर से मिलता है|
वो गैर ही कभी इतना अपनापन दे जाते है,
जिस प्यार को अपने पैसो में तोल आते है,
जिस प्यार को अपने पैसो में तोल आते है...

Life is turning out to be a battle and right now I am scarred badly but then it too offers a night and the breeze that brings comfort to my burning scars. Love and affection are the most scarce things in this practical world, and love and affection is what I get unexpectedly from people who barely know me. I often wondered when something bad happened to me, that what have I done to deserve such fate but to that I had an answer too. To something which I never had an answer was what is there in me that the people love me for, what have I done to deserve their respect. To that I got an answer today, it's nothing in me that they love me for but it is they, the wonderful people of this world who became the part of my life by some luck of mine and enriched it with their presence.

Today I learned that how a small house can compensate for it's place by a big heart; why the poor stick together and the wealthy ones fall apart. No wonder none can sleep well on golden beds, while some can sleep even without even a mattress. There is a story to be told, a lot more to be said but I am so overwhelmed that I just cannot express...

भगवान नहीं दिखता

क्या हो गया है मुझे जो इस दुनिया में मुझे भगवान नहीं दिखता
त्यौहार मनाता हूँ लेकिन पूजता हूँ जिसे वो भगवान नहीं दिखता

घमंड दिखता है, अहम् दिखता है, लालच और लोभ दिखता है
झूठ दिखता है, बुराई दिखती है, क्रोध और काम में डूबा शैतान दिखता है
सच दिखता है, अच्छाई दिखती है, दया और दान करता इंसान दिखता है
क्या हो गया है मुझे जो इस दुनिया में मुझे सब दिखता है पर भगवान नहीं दिखता

कभी धुप से झुलसता, कभी ठण्ड से ठिठुरता,
कही बाढ़ में बहता, कही सूखे का मारा जीवन दिखता है
तम दिखता है, सितम दिखता है, आम इंसान का दर्द दिखता है
भूख से बिलखिलाता बचपन दिखता है, सड़क पर भटकता योवन दिखता है
क्या हो गया है मुझे जो इस दुनिया में मुझे सब दिखता है पर भगवान नहीं दिखता

कहते है की भगवान मन में है लेकिन जब मन देखता हूँ तो....
सब दिखता है, सब दिखता है लेकिन भगवान नहीं दिखता...

God is gone, we are on our own...

23rd March, 2012
There was a bustling atmosphere at the station; Mumbai is a city where everyone seems to be in a perpetual rush, and Vyom was no exception that day. He needed to catch a train to return home for a festival celebration. Just in the nick of time, he boarded the train and discovered someone had already occupied his reserved berth. An untidy man, likely a laborer, was sitting there, probably intending to enjoy the sleeper class luxury tonight at Vyom's expense.

"Excuse me, ye meri berth hai, S1 17", said Vyom.
"Par TC ne to bola 17 par baith jao, 100 rupaye bhi liye", the man said.
"Hmmm TC se check karna padega" said Vyom and he went looking for the TC in the other compartment.
"Sir ye S1 17 is my berth par waha koi baitha hai, bol raha hai ki aapne berth usse allocate kar diya".
"Nahi nahi kaun hai, usko bolo 18 par baithe, 18 khali hai", said the TC. "Ok" said Vyom and went back to his berth to announce, "bhaisahaab 17 mera hai, aapko 18 par baithna hai". The man took a moment before deciding to move and then left the seat murmuring, "TC paise bhi le liya, koi raseed bhi nahi diya, ab aise hi idhar udhar karte rahenge log". Vyom ignored his mumbling and arranged his luggage under the berth, took out his book and started reading.
The man started a formal discussion, "bhaisahaab aap kaha jaa rahe hai".
"Bhopal" said Vyom almost uninterested.
"Bhopal to bahut door hoga", asked the man.
Vyom realized that the inquiry is not going to be over soon, so he lowered his book and said, "kuch khaas nahi, 12 ghante me pahuch jaunga. Aur aap kaha jaa rahe hai."
"Main malegaon jaa raha hoon, ye train manmad tak jayegi phir waha se bus/taxi karke jaana padega to subah ke kuch 4-5 baaje waha pahuchunga" explained the man.
"Hmmm", an agreement from Vyom and he was back to his book.
"Veg biryani, chiken biryani, veg biryani...", shouted the vendor while crossing the compartment. The man was suddenly interested and called the vendor, "how much for chicken biryani?".
"Sau rupaye", quoted the vendor, handing the chicken biryani even without actually ordered.
"nahi nahi sau rupaye to bahut zyada hote hai, itne se biryani ke, rehne do".
The vendor gave the man a dirty look and moved on.
"Batau bhaisahaab itne se biryani ke sau rupaaye", the man complained to Vyom looking for agreement. Vyom lifted his face from the book, nodded and slipped back to the book. "Samosa, 15 rupaya, samosa", called another vendor. "Arre samosa wale, samosa de do", said the man who was now content about the price, the vendor gave him a plate with two samosas and a packet of sauce which the man refused. "Nahi chatni nahi chahiye", he said.
He then turned to offer Vyom, "lijiye samosa khayiye".
"Nahi nahi thanks main train ka khana nahi khata" Vyom declined feeling sheepish.
"Humko to khana padta hai, nahi to ab khana seedhe kal milega" said the man and ate the two samosas voraciously and followed by a litre of water. Vyom was watching this from the corner of his eye and he was suddenly a bit interested in the man and asked, "bus. Ab aap khana nahi khayenge".
"Nahi bhaisahaab, itne se raat kat jayegi aur subah kha lenge", said the man nonchalantly. By now the man got Vyom's full attention, he kept his book aside and began a conversation. "Kya kaam karte hai aap", inquired Vyom.
"ji mistri (plumber) hai, drivery bhi kar lete hai thodi, abhi ek mumbai ki company me kaam karte hai, din ke dau-teen sau (200-300) rupaye mil jaate hai" the man told and continued, "hamara ek chota bhai aur behen hai, abhi behen ke ghar jaa rahe hai, kal sham tak wapas nikal jayenge, chutti nahi milli hai phir somwar se kaam par jaana hai. (pause) Bhaisaab agar aapke phone me balance hai to ek call karna hai, ammi ko batana hai ki khana kha liya hai, wo fiqr karti hai". Vyom dialled the number and handed over the mobile to the man, "ji ammi khana kha liya hai, haan haan ab pahuch kar baat karenge aap fiqr na karo"
"Thank you bhaisaab" and he handed over the phone to Vyom.
Vyom sat thinking for a while and then moved pretending to call someone. He went to find the biryani vendor, it was already 10.45PM and the pantry was about to close, the vendors were having dinner when Vyom reached there and he requested one of them, "bhaiya thodi help chahiye, ye S1 me 20 berth number par ek aadmi hai, usko chicken biryani de dijiye aur ye lijiye 100 rupaye, usko bol dijiyega ki uske liye hai, usse paise mat lijiyega" and Vyom roamed around the berth pretending to be be talking to someone over the phone till the time the chicken biryani was offered to the man and he finished eating it. Then Vyom moved back to the berth and opened his bag to pull the covers for sleeping. When the men said, "Thank You bhaisaab, mera naam Yunus hai, Yunus Sheikh aur aapka?"
"Vyom" replied Vyom feeling bit awkward with the thanks.
"Aur aage, aapka pura naam" asked Yunus.
"Vyom, bus itna hi" said Vyom with a smile and spread the cover on the berth and lied down on the berth. That is when Yunus started narrating his life to Vyom, "hum gaon Dhulia ke hai, jab ghar se aaye the tab yahi traino me saaf karte the, kachra saaf karte the kapde se, phir sheher me kaam shuru kiya majduri ka, phir mistri ka kaam seekha aur ab thodi drivery bhi seekh li. Pichle saal hi kaam shuru kiya hai, uske pehle coma me the, mumbai me local par baithe the current lag gaya. Bahut paisa kharch hua, aap .......(forgot the name) aspatal jaante ho wahi hamara ilaaz hua tha. Ab phir se shuru kiya hai sab, bahut paisa lag gaya tha ilaaz me. Aap train me so jaate hai, accha aap so jayiye, humara station to ek baje aayega."
Vyom just nodded in agreement and pulled the sheet on his face, thinking about the party last week where he spent 840 rupees drinking beer with his friend because he was upset, he was upset because life was not turning out the way he wanted....

28th March, 2012

Vyom was en route to Pune, where he had to start work the next day. He boarded the train and settled into his sleeper compartment berth. Hoping to upgrade to an AC seat, he inquired with the ticket collector, who directed him to the AC coach's ticket collector. When Vyom approached the second ticket collector, he was informed that the upgrade would cost not only the difference in ticket price but also an additional 200 rupees. Sensing a bribe, Vyom decided against the upgrade and returned to his sleeper berth.

During the journey, Vyom enjoyed a meal, read some comics he had bought, and eventually fell asleep. He woke up at around 7 am, knowing the train was due to arrive in Pune by 11 am. He bought packaged drinking water to brush his teeth and wash his face, then returned to his berth to pass the time with movies and music until his devices' batteries died.

At around 10 am, Vyom got up to recharge his phone. He noticed a man sitting near the charging point opposite the washbasin but didn't pay much attention to him. As Vyom enjoyed the view from the train, he suddenly saw the man rummage through a plastic bag retrieved from the garbage area beneath the washbasin. The man searched several aluminum foils before finding some leftover vegetables, which he ate as though he hadn't eaten for days. After consuming the meager leftovers, the man drank water from the washbasin, not to quench his thirst but to satiate his hunger.

Vyom was shocked and overwhelmed with emotion, tears streaming down his face. He thought about how he had spent 36 rupees on three bottles of packaged water just to wash his face and brush his teeth, and how he had carelessly spent 50 rupees on comics that he read for only 30 minutes. The stark contrast between his life and the man's experiences opened Vyom's eyes to the vast disparities in their circumstances.

   **************************************************************************

Vyom is a citizen of India where the scams sum up to 10.67 Lac Crore (coalgate), 1.76Lac Crore (2G scam), 70000 Crore (Commonwealth),  27000 Crore (UP NRHM) and many unearthed till now... This is the country with highest number of worship places (temples, mosques, churches, gurudwaras). This is the place which boosts of several Gods and religions.. this is the place from where God has gone.

God is gone, we are on our own...

नाजुक रिश्ते

रिश्ते है नए ज़माने के ये छूटने लगे है
अहम् की दीवारों से टकराकर टूटने लगे है

झगडके गले लगना, ये बचपन के रिवाज़ थे
आजकल तो दिलों में शिकवे बेहिसाब है

अपनों को अपना कहने वाले पल में पराया कर देते है
ज़िन्दगी में कई रिश्ते हम यू ही ज़ाया कर देते है

सहेज के तो घर में कांच के बर्तन रखते है
रिश्ते तो वो ताकत है जिसकी हम लोहे से तुलना करते है

लोहा भी मिलावटी टूट के बिखरने लगा है
आजकल तो गैरों से ज्यादा अपनों से डर लगने लगा है

रंग से परे

रंगों से परहेज नहीं लेकिन रंगों को सहेज कर रखा है
क्यूंकि इन रंगों में रंग अभी कुछ और भरना बाकी है 

What Dad said after reading my post :)

रंगों से परहेज नहीं रंगों को सहेज कर रखा है हमने
बेरंग हो रही दुनिया में कुछ रंग ख़ुशी के भरना है 

 pic clicked at CST Teminal Bombay on 2nd Feb 2012

Before I Let My Soul Die...

I've been down before but this time it was like surrendering. Some parallel events placed me in dirt zone. I was all in for the sin. Righteousness was getting me nowhere, I was criticized and demoralized.

At work, my efforts seemed to be going down the drain yet again and the same old story of crooks being rewarded was about to be repeated. I fought, decided to quit and let the work suffer. At home, my family was cheated in business and I was ready to retaliate. But He... I have Him in many forms, I find him in my friend and I find Him in my love. My friend is agnostic and my love is believer. He never let's me down and I don't know how it works, but His magic works for me.

I do things and He corrects them for me.
When I lose hope, He inspires me. 
I just fight and He shields me.
When I am alone, He accompanies me.

He’d be the one who’s by my side before the night is over and He'd be the one who'll hold me back before I let my soul die...

Ae Jaate Hua Lamho

Somehow when I went for this New Year's celebration I had this feeling that this is probably the last time when I can go crazy and that is exactly what I did... I had Fun Unlimited!!! That time is not gonna come back and I will never complain about it, there is nothing that I wanna change about that time. Everything was picture perfect, from the beginning to the end. Without getting into the details of the trip and the celebration, I'll come down to the purpose of penning this blog. There is always this one person somewhere, who makes you feel that "world is still very beautiful and life is worth living".

I think that I have big challenges but I am not the only one, there are those whose challenges are bigger than mine, whose lives are tougher than mine; and no they have not accepted defeat, they are strugglers. Till you'll live, the struggle will be there. The only thing that you have to figure out is how to keep smiling in tough times, eventually tough time will pass by. Remember nothing is permanent.