The Wish & The Battle Inside

How we keep postponing happiness and make it almost an elusive in an attempt to achieve something else. Some people look around and find a million miseries, some find a million joys... Some find the joys as small and ephemeral and , some capture even the smallest moments as everlasting smiles.

I was about to finish reading 'A Thousand Splendid Suns' by Khaled Hosseini today but with just 30-40 odd pages remaining I gave up. My heart was so burdened that I could not take it anymore, it almost felt like my heart crying and a thousand tears flooding it. This is one reason why I like reading... I like reading for understanding life. As life has uncountable experiences and even in a million lifetime I will not be able to experience all. Through books I can feel, I can feel the pain, the tears, the joy, the defeat, the victory. I am very selective about what I read and I get connected to books and the characters while I read them. I often find book sharing my emotions and touching me in a way that I almost find myself as a character in the book, living, breathing... In this book that I read, I found such a desperate struggle for life and such endurance of a human being that I could not surmise it in words. You have to read it and feel it for yourself. And read you must ...

Jah chah waha rah (where there is a will, there is a way)... I have heard this one way back in my school, read in stories about it and always thought of it to be some alien concept as I had a will but I missed my way. When I was in school and I got first ranks, I got this good feeling of all the things that I could be and then I never became any of them. I was just carrying my dreams but stuck with life essentials not knowing how and when to make them real. After I landed up in my new job I decided to fulfill the dream that I carried with me for long.. to teach.. to teach with a motive to achieve still something bigger, to educate the countrymen in an attempt to make my country a better place, with good government, clean environment, peace-loving people and much more. It's a little beginning at the moment with the kids of a school but I am gaining a lot of confidence and belief with each passing day. The bunch of kids I started with were very poor in studies and after putting in ...

My days could not be much brighter than this, this phase of my life is not Pursuit of Happyness but it is indeed Happiness surrounding me. I could not thank God enough for giving me this phase and I with Him, would also like to thank His most lovely creation- kids. The moment I enter the class I can see all tiredness rushing out of me and a new zeal fills up my body. I am greeted cheerfully by all and then I start with my regular activity with select kids. By now I have interacted with most of them and have assessed where they stand in terms of their studies. It feels good to know that most of them are good learners and are fairing pretty well. With a few of them, we are working hard and possibly we'll get through. These kids have highly influenced me with their way of living. How I almost forgot that I was a kid once and with time I have grown up into an adult and forgotten almost all the good qualities I was blessed with. There is this kid Ravi to whom I was teaching the other d...

Today I finally started off with my first day of TFI volunteer, at a proper school in Pune. Got up early and by 7.30 I was in action.. I reached this school at a calm place surrounded by greenery but this green was not managed, it covered half of what the school termed as a playing ground. Some kids here had broken slippers, some had no uniforms and some even had no pencils to write.. My own school days flashed in my mind and down from memory lane I remembered how I used to throw tantrums about the kind of pencil box, lunch box, bag I wanted to carry at school. These kids can't afford the tantrums. I lost and broke hundreds of bottles in school and every time got a new Milton one but they carry with them not to be reused cold-drink bottles. I was there till 10 and had to leave then for my regular office.. I so wished to stay there, it feels like an unfinished business. The fellows Kaushik and Swati are doing an excellent job there. I had four weak ones, lagging from the rest of t...

Quoting from a newspaper: "India is being shamed globally. It has been shamed by politicians and officials who have been exposed as callous and inept, and possibly* corrupt. Now India stands humiliated. The world knows the bridge we build collapse; that we cannot even keep loos clean. Who is responsible for the national shame? The guilty must be identified and brought to book. It may not store our reputation, but it atleast will show that we, as a nation, value our honour." Some remarkable statements made by the Indian officials: Lalit Bhanot(OC Secy Gen)- It is not such a big issue which we should be ashamed of... Westerners have different standards(of hygiene), we have different standards. Sheila Dixit (Delhi's Chief Minister), Suresh Kalmadi(OC Boss), Jaipal Reddy and MS Gill(central ministers) are either trying to hide behind the closet or prooffering ridiculous excuses in order to explain away their incompetence. Every inch of their soul is plagued ...

Moving on... is what you say but for me it was a ' bereavement'. This is what happens to me when I get connected. Is connection good or bad? Depends... how you take it. For me connection comes from heart. I came here with a friend and when I left I had so many people around me who brought tears in my eyes while saying goodbye. Being a man I had to control my emotions and move on without tears in my eyes...  MOVE ON.   This is the second time when I felt like moving away from family...  Nitin Sir you became a father figure for me. Prashant Sir that calmness you carried, you are a gem. Ketan Sir practicality and compassion... my first PM. Prem Sir for being there, a brother whom I never had, a brother who fought with me, debated with me. Sudip, Vinit, Sid for being the friends who kept me alive, my naughtiness going... you smiled at my first imperfection, I adopted that imperfection as a part of me, and captured your smiles. Yogesh, Jaspal, Giridhar, Kolan for being my...

ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || उन्होंने क्रांति की मशाल से देश को आज़ादी दिलाई थी, सपना था उनका देश को मशाल से रोशन करने का, हमने तो उस मशाल से देश को आग लगाई है | ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || वादा है मेरा ऐ आज़ादी मैं तुझको ढूंढ लाऊंगा, क्रांति की एक मशाल मैं भी जलाऊंगा.. राख कर दूंगा उसमे मैं बुराई और पाप का नामोनिशान मिटा दूंगा भ्रष्टाचार के दाग का.. चीर के रख दूंगा छाती उसकी जो तुझे विभाजित करेगा एक युद्ध अंग्रेजो से था अब अन्याय से युद्ध मैं लडूंगा. न आतंकी राज होगा, न पैसे की माया चलेगी देश है ये मेरा ये, इसमें शांति और प्यार की गंगा बहेगी.. खेत में किसान के सफलता की फसल लह-लहराएगी मजदूर जब मेहनत करेगा तो खुशियाँ उसके आँगन आएँगी.. ये जो आज़ादी है वो अभी अधूरी है, पराई है, इस आज़ादी पर तो शहीदों की भी आंख भर आई है || वादा है मेरा ऐ आज़ादी मैं तुझको ढूंढ लाऊंगा, क्रांति की एक मशाल मैं भी जलाऊंगा अब तो आज़ादी का जशन मैं तब ही मनाऊंगा...

(My last speech at Hexmaster's; the first time when I spoke and heard my own voice and felt that yes I can address the people. It had my feelings and concerns which I expressed in my blogs. This is not my best speech; the best will be the one when instead of me, the people will speak. But nonetheless it is a beginning..) Master of Ceremony, Evaluators, Fellow HexMasters, Respected Guests, Good Afternoon – I am Rajat Maheshwari – and I will be giving my organized speech today. Today I will talk about ‘my take on Karmbhumi- the workplace and the nation, and Me’. Before I go ahead I want to set stage for a little exercise through a story. A master of martial arts asked Bruce Lee to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must...

Here I am sitting today humiliated by an award, a recognition of my work.. But this time I didn't deserve it, this time I never worked to my potential. Like every person, I too had my dreams big  and small, to make it sometime. I still remember how I longed that before leaving this company I'll carry that Ace award in my hand, and I worked hard for it, struggled for it but it escaped me, I said may be some other time, some other place. But today when I got it, it came to me in a way I least expected and deserved. It came to me just as AN OBLIGATION, A FAVOR..... Let me make it very clear that a men must be judged for what he is, with the same respect for truth, with the same incorruptible vision and treated accordingly. I am proud of my own value. I do not support my life by robbery or by alms, but my own effort, so I DO NOT SEEK TO DERIVE MY HAPPINESS FROM THE FAVORS OF OTHERS, BUT EARN IT BY MY OWN ACHIEVEMENT. My truth is only my motive. My truth and  my own work to achie...

This is that phase of my life which I call as 'walking the street' and believe me it is one of the toughest times of my life. One phase where I am most vulnerable, susceptible to err and well capable of causing hurt. I have resigned from my company, I am under a heavy debt, I have lost my love... blah blah blah.. but even after all these things, I'm confident, happy and at peace. There is some inner energy driving me, what is that I cannot identify but there is definitely something. Something which is giving me courage to fight, something which is stopping me from trailing on the wrong side, something... something. While walking on the street when I see people with no shelter in heavy rains, I can feel the shiver. While on the platform I see the mutilated beggars, I can feel the hunger pangs. While talking to a person who is nurturing a broken heart, I can feel my heart crying. I can feel myself feeling the pain of the world and I can still share my smile....

I read with sorrow but no great surprise about the death of a colleague in a road mishap. His was, just a face to me in the crowd, till the day he departed. The death of a person in his early 30's ,the only breadwinner in the family, was enough to tip his family off. He had many unfinished businesses, many things to work on.. but alas, he is no more. He is survived by his wife, a two year old daughter and a mother. It will take them long to come to terms with the paralyzing loss. Is there any compensation to their loss, a wife lost her husband, a daughter lost her father, a mother lost her only son.. Ohhh God.. you make the stones cry. Hey Almighty I pray to you, I don't know what to ask or expect, you know that better but please give the family the courage and support to sustain in this world of yours. The loss of my colleague plagued me by a myriad of feelings triggered by the fact that it was accidental (and th erefore preventable), that in part it was the result of somebo...

"The prime minister called it a horrific incident, Chidambaram said it showed the brutality and savagery of the Maoists." Yes I am listening, just listening. But now I want to shout to wake you up. Wake-up government you are failing us, the people who trusted you and showed our confidence in you with our votes, can't you see how incapable and hapless you are every single time some terror outfit wants to attack us. What the hell are you there for, on that position. The Dantewada massacre, the 26/11 attack how many more lifes and how much more bloodshed would you want to bathe with. Amazingly the opposition party wants the resignation of Mr Shashi Tharoor for some IPL issues. I knew that cricket is worshipped in India but I never knew that even the politicians we elect are more interested in bat and ball politics rather than caring for the innocent lives. The insurgents are well-trained in gorilla warfare, they have advanced weapons and are highly motivated while our Jaw...

Ms Mayawati does it yet again. Her grandiose display of wealth earlier by means of heavy studded diamond necklaces was not enough to appease her vanity so now she comes with a new display of currency garlands. A huge applause and word of thanks from all the countrymen Ms Mayawati. Mayawati has yet again proved that she and her party members give no regards to the plight of the poor in their own state and the nation. Their profuse wealth is on display every now and then, which is an open challenge to the people everytime, that this is the power that we have by high-end corruption, stop us if you can. If even a single minister of BSP had to plough the farm, lift the loads, work day and night to earn that penny; they would have realized the worth of money. But fortunately for them money comes from all illegal activities, extortions, bribery, murders and all they have to do is to bribe the voters, threaten the people to win the next poll, so this money would keep flowing. I stress on ed...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowliness. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." ~Mark Twain Read it once and associate it with your goal. Read it again and associate it with your love. Read it yet again and associate it with your life. Explore.Dream.Discover. ~ Your goal It might take you a long time before you win in any undertaking. You might have to let go of all your luxuries and joys. You might be faced by a myriad of trying situations. But under all circumstances you need to stay focused, stay true to your commitments and not give up. For every man can dream but to make that dream a reality very few have the courage and willpower. Explore. Explore your goal. Seek the answer for yourself, what do you want to be and why. Dream. Never let go of the vision you have in your mind. Think about it all the time and ...

Before I start, just to let you know that I was agitated in the morning by the way things were shaping up. My adrenaline was running high and I decided to go out there and watch the movie whatsoever be my fate. Also I would like to let you know what the word Terrorist means, to let you better decide who all are the terrorists, internal and external: Terrorists - A radical who employs terror as a political weapon; usually organizes with other terrorists in small cells; often uses religion as a cover for terrorist activities. I read Mr Uddhav Thackrey's statement that the stir is spontaneous. He questioned CM Ashok Chavan "Why the government never showed this alacrity when thousands of farmers committed suicide in Maharashtra?" Valid, a very valid question but let me also ask you Mr Uddhav and Mr Balasaheb why was there no stir then, why didn't the Shivseniks stopped the thousands of farmers from committing suicide? Are you good only at destruction? Have you ever done a...

The day I stepped out of my house, the corridor of comforts ended; I knew life is going to be tough. Life places obstacles at every move that you make and it is very well said that "Obstacles in life are not to be boggled at but to be surmounted." Every person in his/her life faces struggles, you can't say I don't wanna fight anymore until you are alive. The good thing is that you don't have to go through this battle alone. In your childhood, you have your parents; in youth your friends and then you get the option to choose your soulmate(wooh that word in itself says a lot). I look at my dad and feel how incomplete he would have been had he not found mom, how he would have faced the world without her at his side. I look at my nana-nani and feel what a support they had been to each other, the courage that they had facing all the hardships of life and now they are past their golden age by over a decade but still they have not given up. My nana-nani still work round ...

"My days are all so brightened, My dreams are all so sweet. When I look at the face in the mirror, The face in the mirror smiles at Me." I am just a one me who still is looking at the world with surprise. The One who has just few ambitions, the One who has just few dreams; the One who can fall down, get hurt, cry and ask God why. My ambitions and my dreams may be termed as trivial or overblown by some, but those are my dreams, my ambitions and to me they are everything. The New Year has arrived bringing new fragrance in my life. God has come to me in a special way to tell me that you are my child. He has absolved me of all my sins, He has exonerated me from all my lies. He has told me that I love you and I like you the way you are. I was afraid of facing the mirror before, the face in the mirror was all so wry. But when I look at the mirror today, the face in the mirror SMILES!!!!